On Safari

With the new schedule this year I don’t get a chance to shoot the breeze with my buddy, Dave, in the deans office much anymore. But, today, as I scarfed down two plain slices and a large coke during my lunch period and between a whole lotta insanity, Dave eyed an opening and slipped into a chair next to my desk.

“I was talking to Ms Boyle today,” he said hurriedly, with a hint of a grin. “You know her? Elephantitus in the lower extremities. Walks with a cane.”

“Huge ankles? Looks like this?” I said, making a face like someone was pulling a shard of wood out of my leg.

“Yeah, that’s her.  I was talking to her, and I don’t know why this came up, but” he whispered, “she told me something Mr. Greene said to her yesterday.” Mr. Greene is our boss. He has a reputation for being a bit aggressive and a less than stellar communicator.

“I’m probably the most hated poyson in dis buildin’!” He says often. “And guess what? I DON’T CAYAH!”

Dave started his story, “So I don’t know why she was asking him this, but for some reason she had to ask him if she could leave early because her mother was dying.” He clarified, “Or, she was gravely ill.”

I smiled darkly in anticipation, slowly shaking my head.

“So she asks him if she can leave early.” Dave was finding it hard to contain his giggles now. “And Green says, ‘WHY?’

So she says, ‘My mother is very ill’.” Dave paused for second.

“And he says,” Dave spoke the following words very clearly, “‘Big deal.  My mother is dead.’

And after she told me, she hissed, ‘He’s an aaaanimal!’

I was speechless,” Dave said. “I said, ‘That doesn’t seem right.’ Because what else are you gonna say to that? And she says, ‘DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT?!! HE’S AN AAANIMAALL!’ And then she just hobbled away on her cane and her elephant ankles.”

With that, Dave put his hands in the air and just looked at me, as if his work there was done.

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